Why Did I Do It?

I was heading to the elevator on the ground floor, and just as I got there, I noticed a colleague a few steps away. Only one of the three elevators was available, the rest were chilling somewhere up there. So I did that small but significant thing - delayed the elevator door for him.

He came in, didn’t say hi, didn’t say thank you, didn’t even make eye contact. Just continued his call like I was invisible. And inside me, I was like: “Can you imagine? Proud mf.”

But then I paused. What if he genuinely didn’t realize what I had done? What if the call he was on was actually very important, and he was deep into it, hence the lack of acknowledgement? I’ve had moments like that myself - so in my head or focused on something that I didn’t react properly in the moment. And when I eventually realized, the moment to say something had passed, and I felt too awkward to backtrack. Especially as an introvert (as I look to see myself), it’s easy to miss those social cues. So what if that’s what happened with him?

Or... what if he is actually just a proud, ungrateful mf? That thought did cross my mind too. I'm human after all.

Why did I even do it in the first place?

These were the things spinning in my head as we rode silently up to our floor and split off to our separate offices. I find myself thinking about things like this often, maybe more than I should. Then I asked myself: Why did I even do it in the first place? Why delay the door?

Was it because I was hungry for a “thank you”? Seeking recognition? Wanting him to be my buddy? I thought about it and realized, none of that fits. Honestly, if he came to greet me tomorrow, it might even stress me out. I’m not really into workplace chit-chat like that. I’m the kind of person who might deliberately slow down just to avoid sharing an elevator with someone. That’s how introverted I am.

I think I did it simply because I wanted to. Because I know I’d appreciate it if someone did that for me. No strings, no expectations. Just a small, decent act and it ends there.

Now, will I do it for him again? I don’t know. Depends on my mood. I won’t lie, there’s a chance I will remember this and decide to be a little petty next time. That’s just the goofy part of me. But no bad blood. I won’t carry it on my chest.

Why did you do it?

The reason I’m even sharing this is because I’ve seen it happen a lot, people do something kind for others and get upset when they don’t get thanked. And my question is always: Why did you do it? Most times, the answer is, “I just felt like it.” And I always respond with, “Then forget about it.” You did it because you wanted to, not because you were waiting for applause. Yes, courtesy demands a thank you, and it’s okay to notice when it’s missing. But don’t let it sit on your mind so long it starts to bother your peace. Do it again if you feel like it. If you don’t, that’s valid too.

As the Yoruba adage goes: “Ti ọmọdé ba dúpẹ́ ore ana, a rí òmíràn gbà.” - If a child appreciates a past favour, they will receive another. But if they don’t, you are not obliged to give again.

Move how you feel, not how they respond.