Sure, you shouldn’t settle for trash. You shouldn’t crawl under the bar when it’s set below basic dignity. But let’s be honest, a lot of people screaming “don’t settle” are lying to themselves. They are clinging to a fantasy where better is guaranteed, where time is infinite, where the world will eventually reward them just because they deserve it. That’s not how reality works.

Deserve vs. Available

You might deserve better, but do you actually have better? Is better available to you? Big difference.

You deserve respect, but do the people around you know how to give respect? If not, you either change your environment or accept fate.

You deserve a good career but are companies fighting to hire you? If not, maybe you don’t have leverage yet.

You deserve an amazing partner but are they even out there for you, right now, in your circle, in your life?

Deserve means nothing without availability. And availability often depends on timing and leverage. Miss the window, lose the options.

The Cost of Waiting

Think about the young feminist who spends her twenties screaming “never settle”, then wakes up at 38 staring at a smaller dating pool, suddenly making peace with things she once swore she would never accept, maybe even marrying into polygamy just to not be alone.

Or the worker who rejects “average” jobs because they are holding out for their dream role, only to end up with a broken career path and bills they can’t pay.

Or the footballer too picky with clubs, waiting for the perfect contract, only to watch his peak years disappear while the world moves on.

It’s not about mocking these people. It’s about showing the brutal cost of believing slogans instead of reading reality. Options expire, time decays, leverage fades.

Standards Are Necessary But Ego Is Expensive

Never confuse “standards” with “ego.” Standards are non-negotiable baselines like respect, safety, growth, health and alignment with values. Ego is when you inflate those baselines with pride, entitlement, or delusion.

“I won’t accept abuse” = standard.

“I won’t take any job under $150K even though I’ve only worked one year” = ego.

“I won’t marry unless he’s a millionaire” = ego.

“I won’t join any club unless they’re in Champions League” = ego.

Standards protect you and ego isolates you. And here’s the harsh truth, the world doesn’t care about your ego.

The Math of Decisions

Before you scream “don’t settle,” run the math, ask yourself:

• What are my real alternatives? Not dreams, not “someday,” but real, available, concrete options.
• Do I have leverage? Skills, money, network, status, timing. Without leverage, your “no” is just noise.
• What’s the downside? If I pass on this, what’s the cost? Lost time, lost momentum, lost opportunity?
• What’s my runway? How long can I wait before reality punishes me?

If the math checks out, fine. If it doesn’t, take the best option on the table and use it to build momentum.

Manufacture Options

Here’s the real power move, create leverage. Don’t just sit there chanting “don’t settle”, earn the right to say no.

• Ship work - Build proof of skill.
• Stack wins - Small wins compound into big ones.
• Grow your network - More doors = more rooms to walk into.
• Sharpen your craft - Excellence opens doors ego never will.

The one with options writes the rules. But options aren’t handed out, you manufacture them through relentless effort and smart strategy.

Pride Is Not a Strategy

People confuse stubbornness for strength, pride for wisdom, walking away for “standards.” But pride without leverage is just self-sabotage.

“Don’t settle” only works if you have already built momentum, if you have proof of value, if you have doors you can actually walk through. Without that, “don’t settle” turns into “don’t eat,” “don’t work,” “don’t love,” “don’t live.”

Life rewards people who move, not people who chant.

Momentum Over Mythology

If you must choose today, choose momentum. Pick the option that keeps you moving forward, stacking skills, stacking resources, stacking credibility. The option that compounds.

Mythology says: “The perfect is coming. Wait.”

Reality says: “The perfect doesn’t exist. Build better from where you are.”

Don’t settle? Fine, but don’t delude yourself either.

Reject trash, demand respect, hold your standards but don’t play yourself waiting on promises that don’t exist. Don’t burn your best years on fantasy. Don’t confuse ego for power.

Deserve better? Earn it.

Want better? Build it.

Waiting? Make sure you’ve got time and leverage.

Because here’s the truth, not everyone who screams “don’t settle” ends up with more. Many end up with less.

So don’t settle but don’t be stupid.

And yes, there’s truth to that. If all you’re looking for is a flawless figure to worship, then maybe don’t meet your hero. Because the moment you do, the myth will shatter. The shine will fade. You’ll see the cracks.

But for me, that’s exactly why you should meet them. The real lessons hide in the cracks

I see lessons everywhere. In victories, in struggles, in mistakes. Meeting your hero gives you a front-row seat to reality, to the full picture and not just the highlight reel. You don’t just see the jolly, polished part that made them your hero in the first place; you also see the late nights, the stress, the fears they don’t post about.

And sometimes you see things you didn’t expect. Maybe some of those outcomes you admire were the product of sacrifices you didn’t know about. Maybe it took a ruthless decision, a lost friendship, or even an “immoral” act by your standards. Now you are forced to ask yourself, do I want the outcome badly enough to also want the process that created it?

You can't want the result without the formula, you can't get the end without the means.

You want a career like your hero’s, but you don’t know the price they paid. You see the applause on stage but not the loneliness in hotel rooms. You see the title on their LinkedIn but not the anxiety attacks they battled when no one was watching.

You say, “I want to be like my father because he’s such a sweet dad,” but you don’t look beyond your nose to see what shaped him, what pains and sacrifices made him into that sweet father. Maybe he learned tenderness because he grew up in a house where there was none. Maybe the reason he is patient with you is because he promised himself he’d never repeat the anger he endured.

You say, “I want to be like my mum when I grow up,” but you don’t ask what storms she walked through, what scars she carries under that smile. Maybe she became strong because life forced her to. Maybe she works three times harder because she never had the safety net you now enjoy.

You want to write like your favorite author, but not the rejections.

You want to sing like your favorite artist, but not the sleepless tours.

You want to play like your favorite athlete, but not the injuries.

You want to preach like your pastor, but not the private doubts.

You want to lead like your mentor, but not the lonely nights.

Dreaming of the same outcome without understanding the steps is like copying someone’s answers in an exam without knowing the questions they faced. The formula matters as much as the result.

Meeting your hero isn’t about keeping them on a pedestal. It’s about bringing them down to eye level. It’s about seeing their humanity, both the inspiring and the messy parts. That balanced view is what teaches you the most.

Because here’s the truth, you can’t become exactly like them. Your struggles won’t be theirs, your path won’t be theirs but by seeing the totality of their journey, you gain perspective. You stop fantasizing about a perfect life and start appreciating what is real.

And if you are smart, you don’t just copy what they did, you learn how to choose differently when their path doesn’t align with your values. That’s still a lesson.

So yes, people say, “Never meet your heroes.” They say it to protect you from disappointment. But I say, “Meet them”, not because they are perfect, but because they are not.

See their victories, see their pain. See the contradictions, see the cost of the life you thought you wanted. Then ask yourself if you still want it.

That is the real gift of meeting your heroes, not blind admiration, but clear-eyed understanding. Not imitation, but discernment, not worship, but wisdom.

We’ve seen it happen in careers, in health, in relationships, in families. We’ve seen people put in the work, follow the rules, check all the boxes, and yet somehow, things didn’t work out. Wisdom makes us know this and experience confirms it. And the more we observe, the more we realize, this is one of life’s sad realities that we all have to accept.

Life doesn’t hand out guarantees.

It is why we pray, why we hope. It is why, even after we have put in our best effort, we still whisper a quiet request that life shows us mercy. Because outcomes are not always within our control.

Part of what distorts our perception is survivorship bias. We mostly hear from those who “made it”, the people who started a company, followed certain principles, or lived by a specific philosophy and ended up on top. The entrepreneur who risked everything and now tells you to do the same, the athlete who says success is all about discipline because that was their story. They write books, give speeches, and offer frameworks for success.

But for every one of them, there are thousands who did the exact same things and didn’t make it. For every celebrated success story, there are a thousand unseen failures. People who were just as disciplined, just as passionate, just as intelligent, but whose timing was off, whose health broke down, or whose circumstances worked against them. Their stories don’t get told, which leaves us with this illusion that success follows a formula when really, it doesn’t.

And so, we are left with an incomplete picture. We draw conclusions based only on the survivors, and then we wonder why, when we follow the same path, the same formula, our results don’t match theirs.

This is where it humbles me. Because you can check all the boxes, and still not get the outcome you want. That doesn’t mean effort is useless, effort tilts the odds. Doing the right things matters but it doesn’t mean you are owed the result.

Life is not a machine where you insert effort and automatically receive reward. It’s not a formula you can hack with perfect predictability. There are too many variables like chance, timing, privilege, other people’s decisions, and the sheer randomness of existence.

And once you know that, you start moving differently. You stop seeing failure as proof that you’re worthless, or that you didn’t try hard enough. Sometimes, things just don’t fall into place.

Because if success is not guaranteed, then failure is not always a personal fault. Sometimes things fall apart despite your best. And that realization should make us more compassionate, towards ourselves, and towards others

For me, this realization brings a few things:

• Compassion: I don’t look at people’s failures and judge so quickly anymore. Because I know it could be me, or anyone else.
• Resilience: When I fail, I don’t spiral the same way. I remind myself that I did my part, life had other plans.
• Gratitude: Whenever something actually does work out, I hold it closer. Because it’s not just effort, it’s grace.
• Balance: I put in the work, yes, but I also pray, hope, and leave space for the fact that outcomes aren’t 100% in my control.

So yeah, it humbles me. It humbles me to keep working, but also to stay soft. It humbles me into prayer, into gratitude, into compassion. It reminds me that control is limited, and humility is necessary. Because sometimes, surviving and thriving isn’t just about what you do, it’s also about what you are given.

And maybe that’s the point. Not to guarantee a particular outcome, but to walk through life wisely, gently, and with a heart that knows both effort and mercy are needed.

“Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” – Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV)

This verse is one of the most powerful reminders in Scripture that anger, in itself, isn’t evil, you are human. You will feel things. Betrayal, injustice, frustration, disappointment and anger is a valid response to all of these.

The Bible does not ask you to suppress or deny your emotions. Instead, it acknowledges them and calls you to accountability within them. Anger is not the problem, what you do with it is. Anger is a reaction. Sin is a choice.

When Ephesians says “Be angry, but do not sin,” it's showing that anger isn’t a license to do harm. There is a line between emotional honesty and destructive behavior. The problem is, in moments of intense emotion, that line is often blurred or ignored entirely.

You may be right to be angry, you might have been lied to, betrayed, abused, overlooked, or cheated. But your response is still your responsibility.

Let’s look at how unchecked anger can lead to irreversible damage:

Physical violence

A person who finds out the other party cheated them, lashes out and physically attacks the other party. Legal consequence: Assault charges, imprisonment, a criminal record.

Verbal abuse

A parent in frustration repeatedly calls a child worthless or stupid during arguments. Consequence: Lifelong emotional trauma for the child, broken trust, long-term resentment.

Road rage

Someone gets cut off in traffic and decides to chase down the offender, escalating the situation. Legal consequence: Reckless driving charges, accidents, injury, even manslaughter.

Workplace retaliation

An employee, furious over being passed for promotion, sends a damaging email or leaks confidential data. Legal consequence: Termination, lawsuits, blacklisting in the industry.

Revenge on social media

A person angry with a friend or partner shares private information or photos online. Legal consequence: Defamation or privacy lawsuits.

Forgiveness Doesn’t Cancel Consequences

One of the hardest truths in life is that forgiveness and consequence can co-exist. God may forgive you, others may too but the damage you do, emotionally, relationally, physically, or legally may linger long after the anger fades. You can say "sorry," but a scar may remain.

A friend may forgive you for a hurtful word, but trust may never fully recover. A judge may reduce your sentence, but the record might follow you for life. You might be forgiven by God, but restitution still has to be made. Grace doesn’t erase consequence.

Practical Ways to Guard Yourself When Angry

• Pause before speaking or acting. Count to 10. Walk away. Breathe.
• Name what you feel. Say “I’m hurt,” or “I feel betrayed” instead of lashing out.
• Create space. Distance yourself temporarily until your emotions settle.
• Talk, don’t explode. Express anger constructively, not violently.
• Ask yourself: Will what I’m about to do solve the issue or create a new one?

You don’t have to deny your anger, you don’t have to fake peace but you do have to guard your response. Because while anger fades, consequences stay.

So yes, be angry but do not sin because what you do in that window could change the course of your life.

Understanding that imperfection is perfection in its truest, rawest form. The moment something appears flawless, untouched, without fault, chances are, it's unnatural, scripted, or hiding something.

Look closely at nature. A tree might have a bent trunk, but it still reaches for the sky. A rock may be jagged and cracked, but it still holds its place in the mountain. Nothing in nature is perfectly symmetrical, yet everything fits.

So why do we demand perfection in ourselves or others? Why do we expect flawless behavior from our partners, leaders, friends or even strangers?

The Cost of Pretending

Think of someone like Lance Armstrong. He built an image of perfection, an athlete who overcame cancer, dominated cycling, and inspired millions. But that image crumbled when the truth about performance-enhancing drugs came out. The fall was devastating, not just because of the cheating, but because of the illusion he worked so hard to maintain. His denial of imperfection cost him his titles, respect, and legacy.

On a smaller scale, we see this every day. The friend who hides their struggles to maintain a “strong” front ends up burning out. T he parent who never admits they don’t have all the answers creates a wall between themselves and their children. The boss who pretends to be infallible becomes unapproachable, unable to build genuine rapport with their team.

Perfection builds walls, imperfection builds bridges.

We are human first. Before being lawyers, priests, business leaders, activists, or influencers, we are all human. Underneath the titles are hearts that get broken, minds that get confused, and egos that get bruised. There are biases we didn’t ask for, weaknesses we try to hide, and emotional patterns shaped by childhoods no one else fully knows.

Perfection was never part of the job description.

When you embrace your imperfections, they stop holding power over you. You stop being afraid of being “found out.” Instead, they become reminders of your journey, not of your limits.

If you know you tend to speak harshly when stressed, you can pause and apologize more quickly. If you know you get anxious in large crowds, you can prepare better or ask for help instead of pushing through in silence. If you’ve failed before, you can share that story with someone who thinks they are the only one who has fallen.

Your imperfections don’t make you less, they make you honest. They make you approachable, they make you you.

Let your imperfections ring in your mind, not as insults or failures, but as trusted advisors. Let them guide you toward patience, empathy, and wiser decisions. Let them remind you not to judge others too quickly, because you too are navigating your own mess.

Relationships will grow richer, disappointment will sting less, your words will carry more kindness and you will carry more peace.

Because when you stop expecting perfection in yourself and others, you start allowing life to be what it truly is, flawed, messy, unpredictable, and deeply beautiful.

I'm okay with not being perfect cause that's perfect to me. - Anne-Marie

People often say they don’t believe in karma. What they usually mean is “I didn’t see someone get what they deserved.” But that’s a flawed expectation. The idea that every wrong deed must be followed by a visible, dramatic punishment is not how consequence works. Your disappointment isn’t evidence that justice failed, it’s a misalignment between what you expected and how the universe actually operates.

Not getting the outcome you wanted is not the same as no outcome.

Consequences don’t always show up as punishment or collapse. Sometimes they are internal, sometimes they are quiet, sometimes delayed. You may not lose your job, go to jail, or get exposed but maybe you lose peace. Maybe you build a life full of shallow relationships. Maybe the trust people once had in you erodes without a word. That’s not “getting away with it.” That is consequence.

Like Newton’s law of inertia: nothing changes unless acted upon by a force. Actions are those forces. They shift life’s trajectory, even if subtly. The size of the shift depends on the magnitude of the action. Ssome reactions are immediate, some unfold over years.

You might steal and be forgiven. You may think you are free but forgiveness isn’t erasure, it’s grace, not immunity. It’s like being pardoned after a conviction. You are out of prison but the mark remains. Wait until integrity becomes a currency you need.

You might slap someone, and they don't hit you back. No fireworks, no shouting. And you think you escaped but something broke in that moment. A trust, a bond, a sense of safety. That relationship, no matter how repaired, will never be the same. It’s cracked. It may look whole, but time will show the stress fractures.

And even if you run far, you still carry the ripple.

Say someone slapped another person in America and moved to Australia, never to be seen again. Has he escaped consequence? On the surface, yes, no backlash, no arrest, no revenge. But zoom out.

Unless he's completely devoid of empathy, something lives in him now. Guilt, shame, discomfort, or worse, denial. Having to run alone is a consequence, and if he’s unbothered, that’s often more dangerous. Because behavior like that tends to repeat. He may do it again and the universe doesn’t grant unlimited passes. Consequences compound, maybe not from the same person, maybe not in the same form. But harm returns sometimes through conflict, sometimes through isolation, sometimes through a quiet emptiness.

Consequence isn’t always visible. But it’s always there. Like weathering in geology, rain, heat, and cold don’t destroy rocks overnight. But years later, the mountain becomes dust. Every drop mattered.

So before you act, pause. Think beyond the moment. Think about the obvious consequences and the ones you can’t yet imagine. The ones that may not show for years, the ones that won’t scream but will whisper into your future.

Ask yourself:

What might this cost me long-term? Who might I lose? What version of myself might I become if I do this?

Because action creates motion. And once something moves, you can't always control where it goes.

So yes, call it karma, call it consequence, call it cause and effect.

But understand this, in this universe, no action goes unanswered. Maybe not today, maybe not how you expected. But always.

Always.

I remember taking a two-week annual leave and spending the entire time inside my apartment. I didn’t leave the compound once. The only time I went downstairs was every few days to warm my car. I was technically confined, but I was free. Free in my mind, my space, my rhythm.

On the flip side, you will find people who travel freely, country to country, state to state, yet they are not truly free. Their mind is caged, their peace is locked up. Their joy is held hostage by things you can’t see. That’s the irony, freedom isn’t about movement; it’s about detachment. You can cross oceans and still be in chains.

I love that verse in the Bible that says, “I have come to set you free.” Jesus wasn’t talking to prisoners behind bars. He was talking to people who walk the streets, live in houses, go to parties, run businesses, people who appear free, but are prisoners of sin, guilt, fear, and shame. That’s the real bondage.

And it's not just spiritual bondage. There’s also the prison of self-made expectations. You see it in Nollywood movies too, in those money ritual plots. The person gets wealth, but they’re slapped with strict rules. Don’t eat this, don’t go here, don’t do that. They have money, but their life is a prison. That’s not freedom, that’s a high-paying cage.

There are people who chase money so hard they become enslaved to it. The love of money, the hunger for luxury, the addiction to power, these things look shiny on the outside but they can rob you of peace on the inside. Some people are stuck in jobs they hate, stuck in marriages they regret, stuck in countries they want to escape from, all because they believe freedom is somewhere else. Some even go through extreme lengths, suffering in silence just to secure the citizenship of another country, thinking once they get it, they’ll finally be free. But then they get there, and still feel trapped.

Some people on the streets would rather be in a prison yard. There, their meals are guaranteed, shelter is sure, medical care is covered. For them, that’s a form of freedom. Freedom from uncertainty, hunger, exposure. When survival is your prison, structure can feel like liberty.

Even the wardens who work in prisons, are they not also inside? Technically, yes but the difference is that they can leave if they want to. That’s the only thing separating them from the inmates. Both groups share the same space, but one has the mindset and option of freedom. That’s the real deal. Freedom is not about physical boundaries, it’s about the presence of choice and peace of mind.

Many of us are walking free but bound. Bound by finances, career expectations, family obligations, toxic relationships, religion, culture, materialism, and sometimes even by the idea of “success” we’ve sold to ourselves. We think we are free because we are not behind bars. But if we are honest, we are not.

The greatest kind of freedom is when you break out of these invisible prisons. When you are not ruled by what people think, or what you have, or don’t have. When your peace is not determined by your bank account. When your choices aren’t controlled by fear, pressure, or validation.

That, my friend, is true freedom. And it starts in the mind.

If you're going into war, don’t just count tanks and troops, that’s surface-level strategy. Go deeper. What’s their nature? Are they the kind to bait you into attacking first? Do they fight dirty? Do they defend, or do they always press forward? Will they stop when they win, or do they keep going just to dominate? Do they care about rules? Will they respect boundaries? Do they break under pressure or get more dangerous? What angers them? What weakens them? What do they value so much it makes them predictable?

This is how you win. Not just by power but by understanding the mind behind the power. If you can’t read their nature, you are going in blind. And going in blind is not brave, it’s stupid. Find another path.

Same principle applies in relationships. Many people are in deep conflict today because they entered relationships with people whose character they never took time to understand. I’m not talking about the “getting to know you” phase, that’s easy. Anyone can behave for 3 months. I’m talking about watching closely, not just how they act, but what they are.

Some relationships were never meant to happen and the damage was entirely preventable. Others collapse because one or both partners never developed the emotional intelligence to deal with the underlying nature of who they’re with. You think you are dealing with arrogance, but the truth is you are dealing with cruelty. You think she’s just soft and delicate, but no, she’s mentally a baby. If you don’t know what you’re dealing with, you’ll respond wrong every time.

It’s the same in business. Don’t go into partnership with people whose character you haven’t tested. Not the polished version, not the “pitch deck” personality. I’m talking about who they are when things go wrong. Who they are when money is involved. When ego is touched. When they feel disrespected. That’s the real person.

Some people never forgive, no matter how sorry you are. Some never forget. You offend them and assume you will just say sorry and move on, but no, it stays with them forever. Your best move was to never cross the line in the first place. You don’t throw sharp words at people with long memories. You control your tongue, not out of fear, but out of wisdom.

But it’s not just about forgiveness. Some people are wired for diplomacy, they will de-escalate, they will reason, they will let things slide. Others are wired for retaliation, you hurt them once, they’ll make it their mission to hurt you tenfold. Some keep receipts. Some play the long game. You need to know which type you’re dealing with.

In business, one wrong move with the wrong personality can shut doors permanently. Not because your idea was bad but because you misread the person holding the key. Some investors care more about loyalty than margins. Some partners will walk away not because of money lost, but because of how you handled the loss.

In war, one miscalculation of character can cost you a nation. Some enemies fight for pride, others fight for pain. Some will surrender with respect, others would rather die than yield. You think you’ve won until they rise again, not from strength, but from sheer hatred you underestimated.

Even in casual life, the same rule applies. Some people are built to carry offense, some are built to carry grace. You won’t know who is who until it’s either too late or you've taken time to study them.

Same thing in persuasion or negotiation. When you're trying to get something from people, you must understand what makes them tick.

Some people like to feel superior before they give. Some want to feel like they're doing you a huge favor. Some give for the show, to be seen as generous or powerful. Others will only yield if they think it's their idea.

Some give for moral reasons, just because it aligns with their values. Some for religious conviction, they believe it’s a duty. Some out of cultural expectations because that's how they were raised to respond.

You can’t use the same script for everyone. You have to know what it is they respond to and tailor your approach accordingly. That’s not manipulation, that’s emotional intelligence.

So be careful, not paranoid, just intentional. Don’t assume everyone thinks or reacts like you. Understand what drives them, what breaks them, and what you should never do. That’s how you stay ahead. That’s how you stay safe.

“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” — Exodus 20:12

The Quran echoes this in Surah Al-Isra (17:23):

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.”

It’s clear that both scriptures regard honor as a foundational value, especially toward parents. But the more I think about it, the more I feel something is missing. Why isn’t it clearly stated that parents should honor their children too?

Because honestly, honor shouldn't be one-sided. It's not just something demanded, it’s something lived. In homes, schools, offices, and public life, the lack of mutual honor is alarming.

Take parenting for instance, some parents lose their temper and shout at their kids, insult them, call them “useless,” or shame them in front of others. That's not correction, that’s humiliation. You can discipline a child without damaging their spirit. Respect begets respect. If we expect kids to grow up valuing honor, they need to experience it, too.

Even in war, there are rules of honor, how to treat prisoners, how to engage with surrendering forces. In sports like boxing or MMA, fighters touch gloves before and after a fight because even when competing, respect is non-negotiable. Yet, in everyday life, we strip people of dignity over minor mistakes. A petty thief is beaten, stripped, and filmed. Justice without honor becomes cruelty.

Now look at the workplace. A boss who yells at employees, humiliates them in meetings, or micromanages with disdain isn't leading, they are dishonoring. Real leadership corrects without belittling. Honor at work creates loyalty, not fear.

Politicians are no better. They toss crumbs, grains of rice, T-shirts, or petty cash and expect praise in return. That’s not leadership, that’s patronizing, that’s reducing citizens to beggars. Constituents deserve policies, systems, dignity, not just seasonal handouts and selfies. When politicians treat the people like pawns, it’s a loud statement, you are not worth real solutions.

But here's where it gets even more personal. We often forget to honor ourselves.

You dishonor yourself when you stay in toxic relationships where you are constantly disrespected. When you accept jobs that drain your soul just because you are scared to aim higher. When you gossip to feel included, or shrink your voice to avoid discomfort. When you dress, speak, or live only to be validated. That’s all dishonor in disguise.

On the flip side, honoring yourself is saying no to what violates your peace. It’s eating well, resting when needed, speaking up, setting boundaries. It’s not arrogance, it’s self-respect. You show the world how to treat you by how you treat yourself.

So why are we struggling to give our seat to the elderly? Why is every disagreement laced with insult? Why is correction now cruelty, and criticism now mockery?

We are losing the culture of honor. It’s being buried under noise, under trends, under false boldness, under “authenticity” that sometimes forgets decency. But honor isn’t outdated, it’s just rare.

It’s how we speak to our parents, how we raise our kids, how we lead, how we serve, how we disagree, and how we carry ourselves.

Let’s bring it back.

As an employee, I have never had to chase KPIs. Once they are clear and I understand the expectations, my focus shifts. Not to the numbers but to the work. To doing the job in a way that meets the goal and does so excellently. That mindset has never failed me.

Excellence is a culture. It helps you show up and do things well, even when motivation is nowhere to be found. You are not doing things to tick boxes. You are not rushing to meet a deadline. You are doing things because excellence says, “This must be done, and it must be done well.”

Excellence builds a road, fills the median with grass, paves the shoulders, leaves no exposed dirt, adds a walkway, completes it, clean, no mess, no excuses. Not-excellent builds the same road, leaves sand piled everywhere, no drainage, no finish, then ties a ribbon and calls it a day. Excellence doesn’t do that. Excellence doesn’t stop at 80% or 99%. It goes the full 100 and more if it must.

The truth is, the extra mile to do things excellently isn’t long. It’s usually just one or two more steps. But when the culture of excellence is missing, those steps feel like a mountain. You have to build that culture internally. You have to plant it in yourself, water it, and refuse to act beneath it.

With excellence, you don’t do things just to get by, you don’t show up to work just to mark time, you do things with care, with completeness, with clarity. If you won’t go all the way, maybe don’t go at all.

And no, excellence is not perfection. Let’s be clear. Perfection is a trap that keeps you stuck. Excellence is a mindset that moves you forward. It’s knowing the right thing to do and doing it to the highest standard you can reach in that moment. It is alive, it listens, it adjusts. It doesn’t just do the job, it delivers results.

The interesting thing is, this mindset isn’t new.

It was said of Daniel in the bible: "This Daniel distinguished himself....because an excellent spirit was in him" (Daniel 6:3). The man stood out, not because he chased position or flattered kings, but because excellence was his default. And when the time came to appoint someone over the whole realm, Daniel was the obvious choice.

That’s what excellence does, it makes you the obvious choice.

Even in the Qur’an, it is not about how much you do, but how well you do it: “He who created death and life to test you as to which of you is best in deed” (Q67:2). Not most in deed but best. That’s excellence.

Doing things properly, thoughtfully, with full presence. This is the mindset I carry, and I’ve seen what it does. Excellence will open doors before you knock. It will speak for you in rooms you’ve never entered. Because people may not remember every detail but they remember when something was done right, done well and done with pride.

So chase excellence, not because you want praise or rewards, but because doing anything less will start to feel wrong. Chase excellence because anything less is simply not enough.

And when that becomes your standard, success has no choice but to follow.

But I’ve been thinking more about the flip side. Because there’s a danger in persistence too — when it turns blind.

Blind persistence is when you keep going not because it's working, but because you have already started. You keep building, showing up, pouring time, energy, and money into something that might not deserve it anymore just because you once believed it did.

We see it everywhere.

Take the founder who has been working on the same startup for years. The idea had promise at first, but market feedback is clear: it’s not working. Still, they keep pushing. Every iteration is a slight variation of the same dead end. They call it grit but it’s really fear of admitting it’s time to walk away.

Or the dude learning a niche skill because they have already invested months, even as the ecosystem shifts and demand dries up. The logical thing would be to pivot but emotion says, you have come this far, you can't afford to quit.

Then there’s the relationship that is clearly not working. Both sides are tired, growth has stopped, maybe even trust is broken but one or both stay because, “I’ve invested too much in this relationship.” The emotional sunk cost feels heavier than the reality of what remains. It’s not love anymore, it’s just inertia.

We admire people who never give up but we rarely talk about the wisdom of knowing when to stop.

Persistence is only a virtue when the path still aligns with your purpose, values, and reality. If you never pause to reflect, persistence becomes a trap.

Here are a few questions I have found useful to ask myself regularly:

Is this still worth it or just familiar? Am I continuing because it’s working, or because quitting feels like failure? What is the cost of staying the course, emotionally, mentally, financially? Have I truly adapted to feedback, or am I just doubling down?

Let’s keep pushing but let’s also keep checking. Don’t let pride, fear, or sunk cost trick you into calling stagnation "grit."

True resilience isn’t blind. It knows when to let go, pivot, and move forward, wiser.

Persistence is the engine behind all meaningful success. It is what pushes you past failure, doubt, and fatigue. Talent may start the race, and education may show the map, but only persistence keeps you moving from one door to the next until you reach your destination.

True success comes to those who outlast the struggle.

You can be the most talented person in the room, sing like an angel, code like a beast, write like Shakespeare but without consistency and grit, it’s just noise. Talent without discipline fades, education without drive stalls but persistence compounds. Every swing, every step, every attempt adds up. Talent is good, education is great but neither guarantees success. The ability to keep going, even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard is what guarantees success.

Even someone without natural talent can become skilled through consistent practice.

There’s a Yoruba saying “Ẹni tó bá má jẹ oyin inú àpáta kò gbọ́dọ̀ wò ẹnu àáké”, loosely translated to "whoever wants to eat the honey inside a rock must not be distracted by the sharpness of the axe".

Think about that. You may be talented with the axe, but talent alone won’t crack that rock. You might even be educated in the "best" axe techniques but if you stop after five swings, you will never taste the honey.

Now flip it, even if you don’t start out skilled with the axe, if you keep swinging, you will get better. You will get stronger and eventually, the rock will crack.

Look around you, the world is full of gifted people who never made it and we have all seen people who aren’t as smart, not as talented, maybe not even as educated but they keep showing up. They fail, learn, they adjust, they keep moving, they rise and they succeed.

People with less talent and fewer credentials sometimes pass those with more. Because they just won’t stop. They don’t look at the blisters, they don’t complain about how hard the rock is, they keep striking.

Success doesn’t come to the most gifted, it comes to those who press on. In every area of life, talent is secondary. Practice consistency, and you will build the capacity to succeed.

Think of Thomas Edison, He was quoted to have said “genius is one percent inspiration and ninety nine percent perspiration”.

They said he failed a thousand times before inventing the light bulb. His response? “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” That’s persistence. Most people would have quit at step 10. It’s not always about brilliance. It’s about sweat, effort, grind.

So yes, talent and education can take you far but persistence and consistency will take you farther.

If there is one mindset you need to succeed in life, business, or anything, it's persistence. Not just trying once or twice but showing up every day. Failing, adjusting, learning and trying again.

Talent gets you in the door. Education might show you the path. But persistence? Persistence walks the path, all the way to the end. Talent might get you to the table, but persistence will serve the meal.

Press on.

Humanism promotes empathy, compassion, and responsibility. It drives systems that protect the weak, elevate the voiceless, and hold power accountable. In a humanistic culture, safety is a right, not a luxury. Healthcare, education, justice, all are designed with people at the center, not as an afterthought.

Now flip the coin. A society without this culture? You will see indifference, broken systems, leaders that exploit instead of serve, citizens numb to suffering, corruption flourishes, violence is normalized, and life becomes cheap — just another statistic.

You don’t need theory to see this. Walk into a public hospital where patients are treated like burdens, visit a workplace where employees are used, not valued — no health benefits, no mental health support, toxic environments masked as “productivity.” Enter religious institutions that prioritize money over compassion, where spiritual abuse is excused in the name of authority. That’s the absence of humanism.

In contrast, look at how it shows up where it's practiced. In countries like Sweden and Norway, policies are built around human dignity. Parental leave isn’t a fight; it’s a right. Public education is free and top-tier. Universal healthcare exists not as a privilege for the rich, but a baseline for everyone. Even in workplaces, employees have strong legal protections, reasonable working hours, and support systems that actually care for well-being.

Humanism is also cultural. In Japan, for example, there’s a deep-rooted respect for others, seen in how service workers treat customers or how communities respond during crises, quietly organized, people-first, no chaos.

Meanwhile, in many African countries (and not just Nigeria), we battle a deeply ingrained culture of hierarchy, where the powerful trample the weak, and people’s lives are only valued when they belong to the elite. In places where humanism is lacking, public outrage over preventable deaths fades within days. Workers die on construction sites with no inquiry. Leaders abuse followers with no consequence. And somehow, life goes on, until it happens again.

So how do we shift this?

Start small. In your circle. Practice empathy over ego. Let go of the need to dominate, and instead aim to understand. Demand better systems, and at the same time embody better values. Speak up when policies or leaders dehumanize others. Support businesses and organizations that treat their people right. Create workplaces where rest isn’t guilted, and humanity isn’t sacrificed for output.

The culture of humanism is not a Western import. It’s not idealistic. It’s simply deciding, over and over again, that people matter. And if that becomes our default, in homes, offices, churches, mosques, governments, the ripple effect could be everything.

It’s one of the fastest giveaways. People who lack depth in thinking love sweeping statements like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” “no one.”

It's lazy, it's rigid. It sounds confident but usually reveals just how shallow a person's thought process is.

Real life doesn’t work like in black and white, it's messy, it’s grey. Almost nothing is black and white and people who ignore the what ifs, the nuances, the variables, those are the ones who crash hardest when reality doesn't play by their rules.

One timeless example is found in the Bible — the parable of the rich man. This guy had a booming business, stacked up wealth, and started making big plans. He told himself, “I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. Then I will say to myself, ‘You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry.’” (Luke 12:18-19)

Classic absolutist move. Full confidence in a future he didn’t control. But God called him a fool — “This very night your life will be demanded from you.” All his plans, all his certainty, gone in a blink.

That’s the danger of speaking and thinking in absolutes. You assume too much, you forget that things change, that people change, that life can humble you in ways you never saw coming.

Trusting someone absolutely? Dangerous. Making decisions without room for exceptions or contingencies? Reckless. Speaking as though your perspective is the only one that exists? Foolish.

Take remote work for example, some say it’s always better. Really? Try telling that to a team that needs high collaboration or to someone stuck in a cramped apartment.

Or politics — “This side is evil, that side is righteous.” Please. If you can’t find nuance, you’re not paying attention. You’re just repeating what your echo chamber fed you.

Even in personal relationships — “You never support me.” “You always do this.” Absolutes don’t just miss the mark; they kill dialogue. They leave no room for grace or growth.

The wise ones? They speak with margin. “Usually,” “seems,” “could be,” “based on what I know.” They understand that language should reflect reality and reality is complicated.

Next time you hear someone drop an absolute, pause. Ask yourself: are they being clear, or just careless? Are they speaking from thought, or from ego?

In the end, only fools speak in absolutes. The world isn't simple so do not think simple, do not speak simple and do not trust those who do.

When you build your worldview around principles, not personalities, you gain something rare, you gain clarity. You stop tying your identity to people and start tying it to what is right, what is true, what is wholesome. That helps you see things as they are, not as your emotions want them to be.

Here is the thing, people are influenced by their environment, by their desires, fears, and ambitions. No one is above bias, not your pastor, your parent, your politician, or your mentor. That's why we must stay grounded in values.

When you stan a person, what happens when they change? Or when they fall? Do you fall with them?

Let me borrow some analogies.

There is a Yoruba adage that says "Inú ìkòkò dúdú ní ẹ̀kọ́ funfun ti jáde", loosely translated to "out of the black pot comes white pap". Just because the pot is black doesn't mean the content can not be clean.

A mad man can speak wisdom. A dead clock is still right twice a day. That politician you dislike might have a good idea. That striker from a rival team might pull off brilliance. And yes, your favorite leader can be wrong too.

You must learn to separate the action from the actor.

Just because a dog barks doesn't make it human. And if your human starts barking, don’t pretend he is a dog. Call it what it is. If you love humans, clap for the dog for doing a human thing but don’t start calling it human, that’s confusion, that’s blind loyalty. You lose your ability to assess reality because you are too emotionally entangled.

I have seen this play out in politics, sports, religion, everywhere. A government does something objectively good, but because it’s not "your" government, you twist it. Or the reverse, "your" people do something terrible, but you excuse it. We are so committed to sides that we abandon sense.

This happens because many people don’t have their own mental compass. They have outsourced their reasoning to their emotions or to the personalities they follow.

I once had a boss who say, “Follow me blindly and I won’t lead you astray.” I understood the sentiment, he believed in his vision but the truth remains that he is human. What if his personal ambition clouds his judgment? What if weakness creeps in? If I follow blindly, I might end up far from where I should be.

This isn’t about being disloyal. You can love deeply, support loyally, admire greatly but do it with your eyes open. When the people you love are right, stand with them, when they are wrong, help them do better. This is real loyalty, one anchored in truth and not blind emotion.

Stanning blindly is dangerous. It strips you of discernment. You need to have a mind of your own. If you have no standard, no value system of your own, how do you judge whether what they say or do is right or wrong? You can’t. So you follow everything hook, line, and sinker.

So yes, love who you want, support who you want, but don’t turn off your brain in the process. Stand for something bigger than personalities.

Stan ideas. Stan values. Stan truth.

Shine your eyes. Don’t be led astray.

TL;DR – A Distilled Takeaway

Ideas over individuals: People can change, principles are more stable. Clarity over sentiment: Emotions should not override judgment. Recognize truth regardless of the source: Even flawed people can say something wise. Separate action from identity: Judge acts, not people. Avoid blind loyalty: It clouds discernment and invites manipulation. Have your own standards: Use values to measure what is right or wrong. Call things as they are: Loyalty doesn't mean denial. Support with reason, not blindness: This is real love, real wisdom.

Memory can enslave, and it can liberate. It can hold you down, or it can lift you up.

If you have done something in the past and failed or you have seen others try and fail, chances are you will hesitate the next time. That hesitation does not come from logic, it comes from memory.

It is this same memory that keeps people stuck in pain long after an event has passed. You hear people talk about "bitter experiences", they are really just talking about memory. She broke up with him five years ago, but today, he still hasn’t moved on. Not because there aren’t other amazing women out there, but because, in his mind, none of them are her. He is not in love with her anymore, he is in love with a memory. That’s the trap.

Memory is powerful.

It replays moments, both good and bad, with vivid clarity. Sometimes, too vivid, you remember how much it hurts. You remember who let you down, your failures and because of that, you find yourself avoiding situations, avoiding people, avoiding risks. Not because the future is dangerous but because your memory keeps dragging the past into it.

There is a verse in the Bible where Jesus said, “Unless you become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of God.” That verse hits differently when you think about memory. Children are free, they do not hold grudges. They do not carry hurt around like adults do. You could scold a child, spank them even, and moments later they will come running back to you like nothing happened. You could deny them a sweet today, and tomorrow, they will still ask again with high hopes. They do not let yesterday kill today. That changes, of course, as they grow and memory begins to deepen its roots.

That is the thing, many of us are living more in memory than in reality. She hates men now, not because of something new, but because of what her ex did years ago. He won’t try again in business, not because he lacks ideas, but because one idea failed. It’s all memory.

So maybe the real challenge is learning when to forget. Not losing the lessons, but letting go of the pain attached to them. Maybe freedom is not about what is happening around you but what you have chosen to carry within. And until you release some of those memories, you will keep repeating old feelings in new places.

Memories are powerful. But don’t let them become prisons.

Let’s not get it twisted, while memory can trap you, the lack of it can make you foolish.

You see, memory is also where wisdom lives. Without memory, you keep repeating the same mistakes.

You trust the wrong people again. You spend on the wrong things again. You walk into the same fire, expecting not to get burned.

That is not hope, that is a lack of memory.

When people say, “I don’t know how I ended up here again” the truth is, they forgot. They forgot how it felt the last time, they forgot the signs, they forgot the lesson. It’s not that life is hard; it’s that forgetting makes you naïve.

Think about it, what makes someone mature isn’t age, it’s memory. The ability to recall pain, joy, failure, success and use it to navigate the present. That is the difference between someone who grows and someone who goes in circles.

So yes, memory can weigh you down. But without it, you float through life, bumping into the same problems again and again, it's a balance.

You need to remember enough to avoid the fire, but forget enough to still reach for the stars. That’s wisdom. That’s freedom.

One particular day changed my perspective completely. Unable to sleep well, I woke up unusually early, got ready and left for work. That drive was different. I was calm, unbothered by the slow car ahead or the guy switching lanes like he owned the road. I didn’t mind, it was unusual.

Right there in traffic, it hit me: I wasn’t in a rush, and that changed everything. I didn’t feel like people were slow, I didn’t feel like I had to push through anything. It wasn’t what I ate the night before, or the weather, or salary week. It was simply that I left early. I wasn’t chasing time, I had it.

That realization sparked something deeper. How many other things in life have I misjudged because of my own state of mind? Often, we judge others as slow by our own hurried state of mind. At work, I sometimes feel like people are too slow or too comfortable. But maybe they are not slow, maybe I’m too fast. Maybe that person you think is dull isn't dull at all, maybe your expectations are set differently.

Sometimes it's not that she's ugly, maybe your taste is just too exclusive. Maybe your boss doesn’t hate you, maybe you’re not pulling your weight. Maybe that person isn’t short, you are just too tall - Short people usually do not like to stand with tall people because they dwarf them.

It’s not about shifting blame or absolving others of responsibility. It's about realizing that sometimes, you might be the one throwing off the balance. If you are rushing to get to a party, everyone else will be moving slow except they are also rushing like you. That’s the point.

We judge people based on our current state, impatience, mood, ambition, taste and we don’t even realize it. Worse still, we judge ourselves by others' timelines. We ignore our own growth just because we haven’t caught up with whoever we have fixed our eyes on.

A Yoruba saying goes: "Kí a má wo aago aláago ṣiṣẹ́́" – don’t work with someone else’s watch. Use your own.

You are not where you want to be, yes. But you are also not where you used to be. That’s growth. Recognize it. Celebrate it.

Maybe you are not slow. Maybe you are just impatient.

Where is the secret place?

Given that the psalm was written in the old testament, likely by Moses in the wilderness, could the secret place have been in the wilderness? obviously not. Also, given that at that time, the holy of holies was where Shekhinah (God's presence) appeared which only the priest was allowed to visit once in a year, it is definitely not a building or a terbernacle.

It's a real place but not a physical place, not a geographical location. The secret place is not a church. You do not have to come to church to be in the secret place of the most high. You can be in church and not be in his secret place. It is not even your prayer closet, however precious your secret times of prayer may be. That’s not what the Psalmist meant when he said, he that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High.

Is it a mental/spiritual location?

It’s not a shrine, and it is not a meeting point. It’s not a country, not even a holy land. It is not a denomination, and it is not a doctrine.

The secret place of the Most High is the heart of God, the place of faith in God, love for God, confidence in the love of God in Christ, obedient trust in the mercy of God. It is a state of heart. It is our state of heart in the heart of God. And we may enter it and we may abide in it and we may be in it or out of it. But the secret place of the Most High is there for us.

It's a secret place

It is a secret place and it is secret, not because it is hard to find, nor because it is hidden or difficult. It is a secret place because there are so few who enter it. It is an open secret, it is secret because it is unknown to anyone who lacks spiritual perception/eyesight and has no faith in God. There are a few hungry, eager people who are seeking the secret place of the Most High and are finding it.

The secret place is a place of safety and security for those that seek shelter in the LORD, it is a place of silence and solitude.

Psalm 90:1 (KJV) says “Lord, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations”.

So the secret place of the most high is not a one-day affair, it's a lifelong endeavor.

The psalm ended with “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

To dwell in the secret place of the Most High means to love God, to live with a constant awareness of God’s presence in your life. It is to put your complete trust in God to protect, help, and guide you on a daily basis as you face life’s challenges. It’s remaining calm in the face of apparent hostility and knowing that God has your back.

Expose it to cold, it becomes ice - hard, rigid, unmoving.

Heat it, and it boils - steaming, restless, sometimes even volatile.

Push it further and it evaporates - intangible, invisible.

Same water. Different states. Different reactions depending on the environment.

It doesn’t mix with oil, no matter how much you stir. But add powder and it forms a colloid. Strange right? Even water sometimes refuses to mix with another water when they have different densities. What does that tell you?

Look at gold

Now look at gold. It’s not born shiny, it’s dirty, buried, impure. Only after it’s heated and refined does it become the valuable metal we admire. Same with petrol, thick, crude, and unusable until it’s processed. These elements have inherent properties, but their true form or function shows up based on what they are exposed to.

People are like that too

A calm person can become aggressive when hungry. A cheerful soul may turn cold when sleep-deprived. A quiet friend can be the loudest in the room when a few drinks kick in. Someone generous when they are financially comfortable might seem stingy when they are broke. Environment, emotions, energy, timing, all these things shape us.

It is why people are motivated by different things at different times. What pushes you today might not move you tomorrow.

This is why a good friend might not make a good husband - the dynamics are different. Friendship is light; you show up, laugh, share vibes. Marriage? That’s daily responsibility, conflict resolution, sacrifice, and presence even when you are tired.

A loving mother can be a difficult mother-in-law.

A great boss at work can be a toxic partner at home. Same person, different role, different pressure, different reaction.

I read something recently about how couples often blame stress, kids, or work for poor sex lives, but somehow they find the time and energy to be sexually active with someone else. Why? Same people, but different situations. It’s not always hypocrisy, it’s context.

A lizard in Nigeria won’t become an alligator in America, yes but it can become a better-fed, more agile, more exposed lizard. Same nature, different result. That’s growth or decline, depending on the setting.

Orange?

Take an orange. It could be unripe, ripe, or rotten. Still the same orange, just in different states.

Watermelon?

You have probably seen a square watermelon. Nature didn’t make it like that, but it grew into the shape of the box it was placed in.

That’s how powerful environment is.

A kind person in a toxic environment can become bitter. A shy person in a nurturing space can become bold. A strong metal can still bend when heated. Even rocks, under pressure and refinement, can become glass - fragile, transparent, beautiful.

So what’s the point?

Life is fluid and dynamic., people are too. Don’t lock anyone into a single version of themselves. Stop assuming one setting reveals the whole of someone’s character. The truth is, we are all just reacting to life, to time, to triggers, to love, to hurt, to joy.

Some days we are ice, other days we are steam.

The wise thing is not to cling to one state, but to be aware, be flexible, be understanding and above all, be human.

But the truth?

It’s rarely about reason. It’s about nature. You acted because it’s within you to act that way. Reason just comes after, to dress it up and make it acceptable to others, or to yourself.

Think about it

A dog doesn’t try to justify why it doesn’t talk like a human. It doesn’t even occur to the dog. It simply can’t. In the same way, you don't act outside your nature. If you did something, especially in a critical, split-second moment, it’s because it was already in you. Maybe you were unaware of it until the moment came, but it was always there. You just needed the right prompt.

Take two people in the same situation: Someone tries to kill them. One disarms the attacker and runs while the other disarms and kills the attacker.

Both will explain themselves later: “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” versus “I acted in self-defense.”

The real reason isn’t in the reasoning. The real reason is in the nature. One couldn’t bring themselves to kill, even under threat. The other could.

The lovers

Now think about lovers in an argument. One person says something terrible, words that cut deep. Later, they say, “I only said that because I was angry.” No, you said it because it was already in you. Either you are the kind of person capable of saying deeply cruel things, or you were actually speaking your mind and just needed the anger as an excuse.

Anger doesn’t invent character. It reveals it.

Even with everyday decisions, this shows up.

Someone cheats in a relationship and says it was because they felt neglected. Someone else in the same situation stays faithful. The difference isn’t logic. It’s what they are capable of doing. Reason is just the PR department.

This is why it’s dangerous to judge people only by what they say after the fact. Two people can give the same excuse for completely different actions.

Look at nature. Look at patterns. Look at who they are when they are not trying to explain themselves.

This doesn’t mean people can’t change. But real change doesn’t start with better reasoning, it starts with a shift in nature and that’s much harder, much slower. It rarely happens without a major shock to the system.

So the next time someone tells you why they did something, listen, but don’t be fooled. The reason might be true but it’s not the root. The root is nature, what’s in them, what they are wired, trained, or inclined to do.

Everything else is just the cover story.