Understand Character Before You Engage

Always understand the character of your adversary. Know what, who, and which you are dealing with. It’s not enough to just measure someone's capacity, their strength, their resources, or their resume. If you truly want to win in any field you need to study their character.

If you're going into war, don’t just count tanks and troops, that’s surface-level strategy. Go deeper. What’s their nature? Are they the kind to bait you into attacking first? Do they fight dirty? Do they defend, or do they always press forward? Will they stop when they win, or do they keep going just to dominate? Do they care about rules? Will they respect boundaries? Do they break under pressure or get more dangerous? What angers them? What weakens them? What do they value so much it makes them predictable?

This is how you win. Not just by power but by understanding the mind behind the power. If you can’t read their nature, you are going in blind. And going in blind is not brave, it’s stupid. Find another path.

Same principle applies in relationships. Many people are in deep conflict today because they entered relationships with people whose character they never took time to understand. I’m not talking about the “getting to know you” phase, that’s easy. Anyone can behave for 3 months. I’m talking about watching closely, not just how they act, but what they are.

Some relationships were never meant to happen and the damage was entirely preventable. Others collapse because one or both partners never developed the emotional intelligence to deal with the underlying nature of who they’re with. You think you are dealing with arrogance, but the truth is you are dealing with cruelty. You think she’s just soft and delicate, but no, she’s mentally a baby. If you don’t know what you’re dealing with, you’ll respond wrong every time.

It’s the same in business. Don’t go into partnership with people whose character you haven’t tested. Not the polished version, not the “pitch deck” personality. I’m talking about who they are when things go wrong. Who they are when money is involved. When ego is touched. When they feel disrespected. That’s the real person.

Some people never forgive, no matter how sorry you are. Some never forget. You offend them and assume you will just say sorry and move on, but no, it stays with them forever. Your best move was to never cross the line in the first place. You don’t throw sharp words at people with long memories. You control your tongue, not out of fear, but out of wisdom.

But it’s not just about forgiveness. Some people are wired for diplomacy, they will de-escalate, they will reason, they will let things slide. Others are wired for retaliation, you hurt them once, they’ll make it their mission to hurt you tenfold. Some keep receipts. Some play the long game. You need to know which type you’re dealing with.

In business, one wrong move with the wrong personality can shut doors permanently. Not because your idea was bad but because you misread the person holding the key. Some investors care more about loyalty than margins. Some partners will walk away not because of money lost, but because of how you handled the loss.

In war, one miscalculation of character can cost you a nation. Some enemies fight for pride, others fight for pain. Some will surrender with respect, others would rather die than yield. You think you’ve won until they rise again, not from strength, but from sheer hatred you underestimated.

Even in casual life, the same rule applies. Some people are built to carry offense, some are built to carry grace. You won’t know who is who until it’s either too late or you've taken time to study them.

Same thing in persuasion or negotiation. When you're trying to get something from people, you must understand what makes them tick.

Some people like to feel superior before they give. Some want to feel like they're doing you a huge favor. Some give for the show, to be seen as generous or powerful. Others will only yield if they think it's their idea.

Some give for moral reasons, just because it aligns with their values. Some for religious conviction, they believe it’s a duty. Some out of cultural expectations because that's how they were raised to respond.

You can’t use the same script for everyone. You have to know what it is they respond to and tailor your approach accordingly. That’s not manipulation, that’s emotional intelligence.

So be careful, not paranoid, just intentional. Don’t assume everyone thinks or reacts like you. Understand what drives them, what breaks them, and what you should never do. That’s how you stay ahead. That’s how you stay safe.